Not Feeling Gruvi
First off. I am a fan of anything that is trying to de-stigmatize the use of Cannabis and all the wonderful things that go with it. However, I am never, have never and never will be a fan of something posting as something it is not. That’s where we find Gruvi (GetGruvi.com). Right smack dab in the middle of a shitty teen romcom or even worse prefab boyband song from the 90’s. Posing. Just sitting there with all the right cloths from all the right brands with all the right words to say at all the right times but being worn and said by the wrong person. Imagine that guy at work just trying WAY too hard to be the “cool” guy. That’s what Gruvi is.
Let me explain.
We try to attend as many events as we can in the Denver/Boulder area here in Colorado to get the best idea we can of what is going on in the industry. So, when we heard about the Gruvi launch party we jumped at the idea to get on the guestlist and see what was so groovy about Gruvi beverage company.
First off, this was one of the funniest door experiences I have ever had. The young lady at the door was happy to turn me away because I was only registered with my first name on the guest list. “Well sir, there is public consumption happening inside and if I don’t have your full name on the list you are not getting in. This is an exclusive launch party. We can only let some many people in.”
Look, I get it. There are rules and regs with this industry that we can’t look over. But who’s name is on the guest-list sure as shit ain’t one of them. Let me sign the waiver, take my I.D. and let’s have a party. No need to take the holy than thy approach to a launch party. All I had to do was edit my invitation on my phone and boom, they handed over the golden ticket and we were in. But I digress.
So once being let in, we got to see what Gruvi was all about. To give you the tag line they are, in their words, a non-alcoholic beverage brand looking to mimic the flavors of your favorite beverages while not creating the cross fading effect of alcohol and cannabis while enhancing your cannabis experience with terpene infused beverages. Worth a shot. I’ll let the Founder, Micky explain below.
It is at this point that we were ushered through the Gruvi experience that was wet up for each terpene profile that Micky talked about. We first stopped at the IPA station to taste their iterations of NA, terpene infused beers. Here we met with one of the sales folks from the Gruvi company, whose name escapes me at the moment. The beer station was modest as was each station, with an IPA and a Sour. Both NA and both with their own packaging. Great look, I have to say they are nailing the design and packaging front. However, as you will hear below, the message and reason for Gruvi to exist seems, well just seems off.
The thing that bothers me here is that this company has identified that there are terpenes in weed, hops, lavender, etc… and have gone about creating a product that “enhances the cannabis experience”. Based on what exactly? While at this launch party I really didn’t want to be that guy seeing as they were nice enough to let me in and give me some free shit. But I really wish I could have asked the founder, Mickey, How? How does having a drink with a similar terpene profile, in this case only affecting flavor mind you, “Enhance” the cannabis experience? You know what enhances my cannabis experience? The people I am with, the flowers I am smelling and the NE Style Hazy IPA (7% ABV mind you) that I am drinking at the end of the day when I am smoking a spliff. It’s like walking into a “speakeasy” in a strip mall in the middle of nowhere Ohio. I get it, that’s a marketing term and I am sure you make a decent Manhattan, but you’re are most surely not a “speakeasy”. It’s like watching John Travolta try to play sports in Grease. The guy is a Greaser, let him smoke a Cammal and drive a car. Those shorts aren’t doing him any favors. If you want to make a cannabis branded product, just put some fucking cannabis in it and stop trying to dodge the regulations of a THC or CBD infused product by avoiding the essence of what you are trying to accomplish. C’mon man. You’re cheapening the whole industry and making it fake.
On to the way the drinks taste. Outside of the fact that this company is faking anything related to Cannabis, the beer and prosecco are just not good. The IPA tastes like a skunked beer that your dad would give you in High School just to fuck with you. Am I alone on this one…? And, the prosecco tastes like sweet tarts. Prosecco can be sweet in certain iterations, buy sweet-tart sugary and chemical tasting, that’s just not prosecco. But I guess that’s what you get from a company that claims to be a cannabis company without having any cannabis in their products. Their IPA is not an IPA and their prosecco is not prosecco.
This company is so fake that they took a stock photo of a group of hipsters sitting around a camp fire and photo-shoped a Gruvi can into the picture. Now your just being rude trying to assume that we can’t see past the BS here. Seriously this photo was pulled straight from their website.
We hate to write a bad review of anything. And we do try to give everyone a fair shake but we have to call a spade a spade and that is what we have done here. We see this attempt as one that simply cheapens the cannabis industries attempt at legitimacy. There are people in prison right now for trying to grow cannabis as a medicine and you can’t even through a hemp extraction into your product before marketing it to the cannabis consumer. One word here, SHAME!